Highway to Rock and Roll

Austen:"Hey look at this! Oh My God! It's so beautiful! Its like we are in Africa!"

We reached Aircraft Station which is 3 station away from Werribee Station. Austen was wearing a short Grey army pants, a black rocking-T, his rock star black leather jacket and his Diesel Sunglasses. I was wearing a fucking lame Grey hoody with a blue Tommy-T and a jeans. I was carrying my hard case with my bass inside it and both of it weighted around 6kg.

It was 7pm and the wind was strong. I can't walk properly because the strong wind blew on the hard case and the heavy hard case was swinging left to right and right to left. I hold the handle of the case with both hands and my body was swinging with the wind's blowing direction. Austen was walking in front of me and keep urged me to hurry because I'm gonna be so late for the audition. The whole scenario was like I am Austen's servant, carrying his bass and he's the rock star rushing for the audition.

We went to the McD near the train station for direction. The McD lady was so shocked when we said we are actually reaching there by 'bus eleven'. She gave us the direction by writing down street names and turning point on a piece of tissue. I was thinking: How far can that be?! I was so FUCKING WRONG!

Austen was enjoying his Mighty Angus burger and I'm holding the case and his drink. The source was all over his mouth, and some on his nose! Here starts our walking journey to the audition.

We walked.....walked.....walked.......walked.......and fucking walked......
We took turn to carry the case because my arm can't handle the weight for a long period of time.
Along the way, we were talking craps and shits...it was all fun.....

After an hour walking, we were half dead......

Me:"Dude! Are we fucking there yet?"
Austen:"Dude....we are not even half way yet! Hang on!"
Me:"Not even half way but I'm half dead!"

We approached a guy on his 50's for clarification of our direction. He said:" Oh? You guys walking there? Is about a mile from here..good luck!"

Austen:" Thank you" Then he turned to me and whispered:"That guy is just being sarcastic!"
Me:"Austen, if we are driving, it's different story, but we are fucking walking there of course it seems like a mile!"

We walked across the river called Skeleton Creek on a highway bridge. We walked along the field of yellow grass...everything was so beautiful.
Oh fuck! Wait a minute! How can a studio located in such remote place?
We just keep walking, singing Motley Crue songs....shouting in misery.....

Suddenly, Austen came out with a pretty damn good question;
Austen:" Dude, after the audition, are we gonna walk back to the station?!"
I stared at him and I can't voice a word......

After 2 hours of walking, finally we reached our destination. Good news was we reached there in one piece, and the bad news was i was late for one and a half hour.

After meeting the band mates, quickly I unloaded my gears and get ready for the audition.
The band tested me with few songs. Things went well....we jammed and I enjoyed it, and I'm in!

Felishia, the lead singer told me that the band might practice 3-4 times per week. I was like....WHAT THE FUCK?! It was totally a NO deal for me, it's not about the 2 hours walking every time and the distance from the city....it's about where's my fucking time for my incoming semester's study? I told her that I'll have to consider about it before I made the decision. She told me that I was good and hope that I'll accept the practice schedule unconditionally.

Luckily, the lead guitarist offered to fetch us back to the station and we are on our way back to the city!

This is the most 'historical' day for me. Austen said:"Dude, We were like rock and roll stars man....we travel so far just for the sake of music! Shen Hwa, you are on your way to rock and roll man!"

Still a long way for me to actually reach the title of Rock And Roll....it sounds easy......It SOUNDS EASY ONLY......

A Broken Vast, The Past and How Long It Will Last?

Recently, my nightmares started haunting me once again. I've been trying very hard to get rid of those nightmares, the harder I tried, the more it strikes me. I'm not dreaming about zombies or whatever ghost chasing after me, it was something else. The way it haunts me is same as previously, flash of moments keep appearing in my head. I felt that my heart being slice apart every time those moments flash across my mind.

How could that be my nightmares anyway? Such beautiful smile, angelic voice, soft and naughty attitude...been once my savior and now my tormentor.

Once a vast is broke, there is no hope. I thought those broken pieces have been cleared, but once again, I'm stepping on it.....how long the pain will last...?

Scars Yesterday, Who I am Today.

"Hi, how are you? Can I have a Quarter Pounder medium meal please?'' There have been burgers dropping down from a slide non-stop just like when I'm shitting. The cash registers are full with people. I was on the second line of the cash register.

There is a girl, with fair brown skin, busy with her job in the first line cash register. She got a butterfly and some fancy design tattoo on her right wrist. She has a pair of big eyes, and she looked fine if she dint put up the messy and thick eyeliner. When I looked at her left wrist, I was in shock. I saw there are a lot of significant scars(lines) on her wrist.

I notice the scars when she tried her best to cover it in front of every customer she approached. She smiled to every customer, but how can someone truly smile when her eyes are not? It must be something really devastating happened to her when she decided to cut her wrist....so many times.

I was wondering why she could still standing in a McD cash register and serve customers. She could have been buried in the soil for good. Who could be her savior? She herself or someone so special to her that could save her life?

I was in my darkest hour and I never thought of cutting my wrist, my be I'm scared of pain and blood. I used to think, how good if I'm dead all of a sudden and leave this slum of my life. I guess I'm alive to day thanks to a lot of my friends especially (Chuan Zhen, Hazli, Shaq and Austen).

These people guided and supported me all the way when I'm so lost, so in pain, so dead. Austen, he helped me to find my other side of myself which I can't repay him in anyway. Hazli, Chuan Zhen and Shaq were like lighthouse for a lost ship like me. I would have sank like the fucking Titanic into the deep cold ocean without these people.

She tore my heart apart, corrupted my soul and my view of life. The pain is still like she just done it yesterday. I have scars too, but in my heart. What I am today, she contributed well. The one so called of my best friend, who ruined my life once, too, did a good job on that...but if not because of their deeds, I won't be who I am today.....

Passion's Smile

Ring*~~~ I slided my finger against my iPhone screen to shut the alarm. Hardly even open my eyes, I dragged my self into the bathroom snatching my towel and clothes along the way.
I put a cap on, throw "The Dirt" (Motley Crue Documentary) into my bag, and I'm on my way to Brunetti (a coffee shop near my place). I put on my headsets, and play a song with my iPhone. I was fucking smiling! These songs have been awhile, brighten up my day. I felt that there is a kind of energy rushed to my brain and my mind was ready to start the day.

Either it was ''Sweet Child of Mine'' or ''Don't Go Away Mad''! I've never felt this way before but after when I'm in love with bass. I was so ready to fuck every shittiest situation at the moment! Everyday, without fail, I'll play bass, but with limited volume because the faggot next door will call the reception and complain.

I'll consider playing bass as holding a candle in my darkest hour! It is a gift from a person who changed my life and found my passion. He's my teacher, my friend, my savior! He's Austen Kosasih, a sick motherfucking bad ass bassist.

Passion is hiding in the deepest depth within yourself. If you're doing something and experienced the same shit as I do, you're probably on your way to meet up with your passion. So...what is it that makes you smile?

Small Little Creature

I was looking for the string cutter when I'm changing my Fender Squier Bass guitar's string. "Fuck! I think I saw it somewhere and I just grabbed it and leave it beside my bass amp!'' I was so frustrated at that moment and keep mumbling "where the fuck it is....!!??'' With the stimulation of the microwave heat weather that day, sweat dripping down from my chin, I ignited my self on rage. If anyone would just piss me off that moment, I'll probably took the E-String and strangle the shit out of him.

After I've turn my place upside down, I'm so exhausted and sick of looking for that shit. So, I set myself loose and butt-crashed on the sofa. I felt a sharp and thin thing sticking up right to my ass, that was my string cutter. I reach for it in my back pocket of my jeans, stared at it, and started laughing.

This is what small little flowers can do to me. I'm experiencing a very short term memory. Try to imagine, you're a fucking 50-60 KGs animal and this small little thing that don't even weight more than your penis' hair can get your head into the clouds. I'm not into that shit, never once in fact, but I've enjoyed it. What fucked me now is tobaccos. Imagine shits like weed are fucking red-lights all over the place, but not for tobaccos. Will you feel paranoid when you take out your cigarettes and smoke in the public? If you're taking weed in the public, you'll probably try to get out of attention from the people on the street and hide along a valley to finish it due to it's strong unpleasant smell. You'll even open your eyes so big, walk like a faggot handicap to cross the road and praying every single second that you won't run flat by a truck. Tobaccos are even more devastating to me, compare to those shits, because part of my addiction, it's availability is twenty four seven, and the 'best' part is, it's legal!

I was wondering myself, how the heck can all these small little creatures fucked up life. I thought female was shitty enough for life. Trying out drugs and enjoy the effects with friends is one of the best enjoyment, but, the consequences kept me away from them. Actually it is just a matter of determination. I determine not to get myself addicted to drugs, and I'm gonna keep this merit little qualitative characteristic I possessed until the day that I'm actually sleeping on my own grave (if I have one in future). But the shitties part is I have no determination to leave the comfort zone I found in cigarettes.

We, (my be me myself only), often doing shit loads of stuff, knowing that they'll probably fucked up your body immune system. Alcohol, tabaccos and others shits, they are against your body's health, but, why the fuck people still doing it? That's well explained how pathetic human being are. But, part of pathetic-ism, we enjoyed the process and often hope that we would not need to face any consequences later on....

2010

How the fuck I actually survived until 2010?

In 2009 December 29th I guess, I was fucking sick! After 3 fucking wild night clubbing at CQ, PG , Bubble, I finally got a system down notice 'issued' by my body. On 29th that day itself, George and his peeps come over my place. George made me 4 fucking cone of Bong. I was sick that time but yet, I don't give a shit about it. Everyone was so 'petrified' ! The next day I woke up, I'm spitting green mucus with blood stained on it. I felt that my lungs were torned apart. Even until New Year Eve, I have to stay on my fucking bed to make sure things won't go worse....Fuck my New Year Celebration and what's gona be next?

2010, hope it won't be as pathetic as the previous years....

My Second Bass (Duffy)

Fender Duff McKagan Signature Bass was designed for the man who has earned his place in rock history by holding down the low end for bands such as Guns N' Roses and Velvet Revolver! Fender's Duff McKagan Signature Bass Guitar is rock and roll all the way.

Based on the instrument he has used ever since the first GNR album, the Duff McKagan Signature bass is a distinctive, sleek, and full-sounding reissue of the '80s-era Jazz Bass Special, which combined a Precision Bass body with a Jazz Bass neck and a set of Precision and Jazz Bass pickups. That's all here, with a Pearl White finish, gloss-black neck and headstock, TBX circuit (treble/bass cut), black hardware, and custom skull-engraved neck plate.

Fender Duff McKagan Signature Bass Features:

* Body: Alder, Precision Bass Body
* Neck: Maple, Jazz Bass Neck, Modern "C" Shape (Gloss Urethane Finish)
* Fingerboard: Rosewood, 9-1/2" Radius (241 mm)
* Frets: 20 Medium Jumbo Frets
* Pickups: 1 Split Single-Coil Precision Bass Pickup with Alnico Magnets (Mid),
* 1 Seymour Duncan STKJ2B Jazz Bass Pickup (Bridge)
* Controls: Volume, Volume, Master TBX Circuit (Treble Bass Expander)

Pickup Switching: 3-Position Toggle:
* Position 1. Jazz Bass Pickup
* Position 2. Jazz Bass and Precision Bass Pickups
* Position 3. Precision Bass Pickup

Bridge: Black Standard 4-Saddle
* Machine Heads: Black Standard Open Gear
* Hardware: Black
* Pickguard: None
* Scale Length: 34" (863.6 mm)
* Width at Nut: 1-1/2" (38 mm)
* Unique Features: All Black Painted Neck and Headstock, Skull and Crossbones on Neckplate, Jazz Bass Special Logo, Master TBX Tone Circuit, Side Mounted Output Jack, Thick Knurled Black Control Knobs, White Dot Position Inlays
* Strings: Fender Super Bass 7250ML, NPS,
* Gauges: (.045, .065, .080, .100)